Xmas Time
by Bustahead
Summary: Christmas Time at Devil May Cry couldn't be any gloomier. With Dante and Arson hating Christmas, and Trish wishing for something special, who can try and help them get into the Christmas Spirit?


_Heya everyone. I know it's been a while since I last updated anything, but I decided that what better way to celebrate Christmas then to write a random insipid story. I was wonderiong whether this should be in Havoc in the House, but I think the humour is a little more subtle then needs be for HiTH. So here it is. How about some prezzies in the form of reviews? (grin grin)_

**Christmas Time**

If there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was snow. It was pretty and white and glittering and dazzling, and the light reflected off of it, making it shimmer in the sun. All that snow, all those kids outside playing in it and making snow men and snow angels and whatnot.

To be quite frank, Arson was jealous. _He _wanted to go out there, _he _wanted to play and throw snowballs at random people, _he _just wanted to play and have fun. Of course, with him now being at the age of eighteen, it might seem a tad immature, but he had felt like this every year since he'd moved in with Dante. And every year, he'd sit inside and think longingly of all the stuff he could do in the snow.

Damn him and his allergies.

He sighed longingly as he stared out of the window and jumped with surprise as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around, ready to fight but promptly relaxed seeing Dante standing there.

'Why are _you_ inside?' he asked somewhat sulkily. Dante shrugged, raising his hands slightly.

'Kid, when I walk outside in winter time wearing red, I get mistaken for Santa Claus. Why do you _think_ I stay inside?' he grumbled before plopping himself down next to him.

'Christmas sucks,' sighed Arson wistfully. Dante nodded in agreement.

'That it does.' The two sat there in silence, Dante watching the television and grumbling about the lack of action films and Arson watching as snow began to fall outside invitingly. At that point, there was a crash from the kitchen and Dante sighed before going to investigate. Arson forced himself to tear his eyes away before sighing and following him.

The kitchen was a complete mess, and Trish was covered in flour and egg and other substances that Arson didn't even care to identify, one of which looked suspiciously like acid. Dante grumbled again, he had mastered the art, and glared at Trish, another thing he had mastered.

'What…' he said, almost theatrically, 'are you doing?'

'Baking!' Trish cried happily and pointed to a mixing bowl full of a brown substance. Arson frowned.

'Did you say baking or did you say making?' Trish glared at him, but Arson didn't feel very threatened. She still had a way to go when it came to mastering the art of withering cabbages with a glare.

'Baking, Arson, I said baking.' Arson nodded dubiously before walking towards the mixing bowl and lifting some of the slob in a spoon, watching as it fell back into the bowl with a plop.

'…well…this stuff sure looks like a big bowl of sh-'

'Arson!' Trish snapped. Arson was immediately silenced and sulked before walking back to the living room. He blinked in astonishment before he noted that it had already grown dark. At that point, the door slammed open and a raven haired man came walking in confidently.

'I _love_ the winter!' he practically sang. Arson stared at him in shock. Reiko Kaneshiro, the most miserable being in the world, _happy?_ Reiko appeared not to notice the horror on Arson's face and continued to smile happily before walking straight into the kitchen. He beamed at Trish, who smiled back, not thinking anything of the fact that the vampire was actually grinning from ear to ear. Reiko somewhat unwisely tapped Dante on his shoulder and watched as the Devil Hunter turned around.

From the sitting room, Arson listened as Dante let out a bellow like a wounded elephant, as various dishes crashed to the ground and as Trish cackled and as he listened to Reiko constantly crying out "Oh God! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!". It appeared as though Dante was just as much in shock as Arson had been.

He watched idly as Dante stormed out of the kitchen, practically frog marching Reiko out of the agency, ignoring the vampire's pleas for forgiveness.

'Before you go, what drugs did you take and can I share some?' Arson piped up. Reiko's previous grin had somehow transformed itself into depression which in turn warped itself into an angry scowl as he frowned at Arson. Still Arson did not feel remotely threatened. Dante stopped and looked towards Reiko curiously.

'Yeah, vamp, what _have_ you been smoking?' Reiko sniffed at that point before swatting at Dante's hands. The hunter dropped him unceremoniously on the floor and watched in satisfaction as Reiko struggled to disentangle himself from his voluminous black leather coat. Eventually, the vampire managed to right himself.

'Vampires…my race is unable to take drugs. For we are the dead, and there is very little that can effect us. Drugs, we are immune to, we cannot hallucinate, and we can not lighten our demeanors through the use of illegal substances, such is our misfortune.' Arson frowned, scratching his head.

'Isn't that a good thing if you can't take drugs? You mean you'd take drugs if you could?' Reiko frowned.

'No.'

'But you just said-'

'What I _meant _to say was that if drugs could make a vampire happy without killing our livers and whatnot, I would take them in order to forget my sorrow.' This only caused Arson to frown more.

'Then why didn't you just say that?'

'BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT WORDS FOR IT!!!' he snapped, his earlier mood completely erased. Arson shrugged, but now that he had gotten Reiko upset, there was no stopping him. Reiko took in a deep breath before closing his eyes dramatically.

'I must atoooooooooooone…' he said softly, before folding his arms, lowering his head, sitting on the lumpy couch and then commenced brooding. Arson and Dante exchanged looks.

'I have to get that copy of Final Fantasy VII away from him…' groaned Dante. Arson sighed and shook his head.

'I thought if I gave it to him for his birthday, he'd forget about it. It just made him worse. And now he's taking lessons on brooding from Vincent Valentine.' At the mention of the name, Reiko looked up at them.

'If Vincent was real, he'd understand me.'

'Yeah but he's not a vampire.'

'He sleeps in a coffin, he is close enough to being one.'

'But he's not a vampire!'

'Enough. Let me mourn and atone for my sins.' Dante rolled his eyes.

'So anyway, vamp,' he tried again. 'What _are_ you so happy about?' Reiko reluctantly looked up at them and his bottom lip stuck out ever so slightly. Arson stared at him in horror, unable to believe how out of character Reiko was being.

'It's winter,' Reiko whispered, as though ashamed. 'It's winter time and the darkness falls quickly, which lets me spend more time outside. I like being outside rather than being inside. It's winter time and it is cold-'

'Yes, it is cooooooooold,' Arson suddenly chimed in, trying to look broody and miserable, a parody of the vampire. 'It is cooooooold just like my non existent love life!' he finished off triumphantly, leering at Reiko. Reiko looked at him blankly, and Dante raised his eyebrows.

'ANYWAY,' Reiko said loudly, trying to drown out Arson moaning the word "cold" over and over again. 'It's cold, and I like the cold. It's refreshing. But what's best about winter is the fact that first we get Halloween, and then the Americans get Thanksgiving. But I'm not American so…and then, best of all, is Christmas.' At the mention of the word, Dante and Arson both groaned simultaneously. Reiko frowned.

'You guys…don't like Christmas?' he asked slowly, sounding like a kid that had just been told he wasn't allowed dessert. Arson shook his head vehemently.

'I don't like Christmas and I don't like winter. I can't go outside otherwise I get sick.'

'I hate Christmas because of the fact that I get called Santa Claus and when I sit down on a park bench, little kids come up and sit on my lap telling me what they want for Christmas! And even worse, the _demons_ don't like winter _either_! I can't hunt anymore.' Reiko frowned before scratching his head thoughtfully.

'Trees are nice,' he said at last.

'If you're a dog,' muttered Dante. Reiko glared at him.

'You're a regular scrooge, you know that?'

'And what?'

'It's not NICE to be a scrooge!' he said at last, lamely. Arson grumbled mutinously at that, catching Reiko's attention. 'You're meant to be part angel!' In a fit of random stupidity, Reiko started bellowing at the top of his voice. 'HARK THE HEEEEEEEEERALD ANGELS SIIIIIIIIIIING GLORY TOOOOOOOOOO THE NEWWW BORRRRN KEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAARGH!'

Dante watched as Reiko sprawled across the floor, a shoe lying against his head. Arson walked over to the stricken vampire, one shoe still on his foot and recovered his latest weapon. Reiko sat up slowly and glared at him. He _seriously _needed to take lessons from Dante. Arson sighed as Reiko launched into a tirade about how Arson should be more respectful and how he should like Christmas because he was part angel. Reiko was soon silenced as Arson knocked him out with his shoe.

Trish finally came out from the kitchen and stared in horror as Arson took off one of his socks and placed it over Reiko's nose.

'What are you doing?' Dante looked up at Trish.

'Arson beaned Reiko over the head with his shoe. He's using his sock to wake him up.' Arson looked up at that point, looking truly happy for the first time that day.

'It never fails!' At that precise moment, Reiko started making worrying gagging sounds. 'See?' Dante smiled, as though proud.

'He's got the resourcefulness from us Spardas, that's for sure.' Trish rolled her eyes before dishing out some of the worrying brown slop into four different bowls. Arson looked horrified, Dante simply took his portion without expression. Reiko looked gleeful.

'I'm a vampire. Can't eat.'

'He can't take drugs either,' Arson was quick to point out. Reiko hissed at him in annoyance. Dante suddenly grinned.

'Remember the time when Reiko got drunk on that poor girl's blood?'

'Oh shit, that was _hilarious_!' giggled Trish. Reiko hissed again, trying to appear intimidating. The others knew better though and simply continued.

'Did he tell you his theory about elephant shit?'

'No…' said Trish. 'But he told me that I was pretty.' Dante howled with laughter at that.

'Shit, he must have been WELL past it then!' Trish glared at him before shoving him none too gently. Arson watched the proceedings as though bored. Reiko gave up trying to scare them and sighed before smiling at Arson.

'See, now isn't this homely?' Arson smiled before looking back at Trish and Dante, who were laughing at some shared joke.

'I have to agree with you.'

'You know why that is?'

'No…why?' he asked reluctantly, dreading the answer.

'Because…it's _Christmas_.' At that, Reiko broke out into song. 'DING DONG MERRILY ON HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!' he sang. He paused, forgetting the lyrics before deciding to improvise.

'DING DONG MERRILY ON HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!

SANTA'S EATING LOTS OF PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

I HAVE A FRIEND, HER NAME IS MAI,

AND WE HAVE FUN TELLING LIES SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEPHIROTH!!!

SEPHIROTH KILLED THE CLOOOOOOUD!'

Arson could do nothing, but stare at him. Dante got up before slapping Reiko upside the head.

'What the hell has gotten _into_ you?' Reiko rubbed the back of his head ruefully before looking at Trish, who looked away.

'Oh no, don't give me that look. Last time I decorated the agency, Dante decided to use his sword to try and chop off my hair!'

'If you had just stayed still I wouldn't have made it go lopsided!' grumbled Dante to himself. Trish glared at him in response, and on further inspection, Reiko found that Dante was right, Trish's hair was now jagged. Trish continued to glare as Reiko tried to break the mood.

'So, what do you guys want for Christmas?' He asked, forcing some jollity into his voice. As though to contradict him, Arson's face fell and he went back to staring out through the window. Dante shrugged and Trish sighed. Reiko lowered his head.

'Well…what are you guys going to do on Christmas Day?'

'…' came the response. Reiko growled softly.

'What's up with you guys?! Why do you hate it so much?' Arson looked up at Reiko mournfully.

'For the same reason I don't like ice cream.' Dante's face softened slightly before he shook his head, forcing himself to look stern again.

'What's the point? I'm half demon, of _course_ I'm going to hate Christmas. It sucks. Nothing to kill. And everything's so happy. It's all fake…and boring.'

'Am I the only one who sees what's so good about Christmas?' Trish sensed a huge speech coming on and snuggled into a lumpy chair while trying to force her mind to day-dream about what she would eat if they couldn't order pizza. Reiko paused theatrically before he began.

'When I think about Christmas, I am filled with joy. There's no season quite like Christmas. It's all filled with light, with laughter and with joy. And whereas some people think that we've lost touch with the true roots of Christmas, I think otherwise. We still realize the meaning, but things have simply changed, as all things do. For once, things seem right, and things seem somewhat ideal on the outside. Everyone is at rest. There are no demons to kill, true, but that earns you a rest. For a single day, Dante, the world's saved not by a hero but by a happy celebration.'

Dante snorted at that and promptly chucked Reiko out of the agency.

'Reiko was wrong,' Trish sighed. 'Some things _never_ change.'

Christmas Day soon arrived, and Trish woke up feeling childishly excited despite the fact that she knew that this day was going to end up being as dull as any other day. No presents, no Christmas food, not even a cracker. Suddenly, she wasn't excited anymore and simply sighed despondently and went downstairs to make herself a cup of coffee.

Coming down the stairs, she looked quietly around the sitting room before frowning. Someone obviously hadn't had the time to buy a Christmas tree, but someone had made an unconventional one out of hangers and had draped silver baubles on it. Underneath the "tree" lay several presents. Well, three to be exact. But it was still a huge surprise for someone who had expected herself to have a shit day.

Curiously, she walked up to the "tree" and circled it, wary by it's sudden appearance. She sniffed it warily but could come up with no scent. She shrugged and then sat down and decided to flick at the baubles, watching them as they twirled, casting light upon the walls as the electrical appliance reflected off it.

'Merry Christmas,' came a voice. Trish looked under the couch to see Reiko curled up against a cushion that had been chucked down there but had never been recovered. His face looked exhausted, as though he had been unable to sleep. Trish smiled.

'You did this?'

'I needed to put some Christmas spirit in this place.'

'I doubt Dante's going to be pleased.'

'Is he _ever_ pleased?' Trish hated to admit it, but Reiko was right. Unless you count the times when Dante opened the door to see a pizza delivery guy. Then he was _very_ happy. Trish looked back up at the hangers.

'I never knew you were so creative,' she said, watching the baubles as they spun.

'It's a mess,' came the bland reply. Reiko lowered his head onto the cushion and sighed sleepily.

'I'm sorry I don't have a present to give you.' This earned her a smile from the vampire.

'I've already had several presents. Last night as soon as the clock struck twelve.'

'Really? What did you get?'

'Bug spray from one person.'

'_Bug Spray_?!'

'A vampire's still human enough to have a war with the insect world. Especially when you've got a phobia.'

'No wonder why you keep imagining there's cockroaches in England. You're a big strong vampire and you're scared of heights and cockroaches.' She paused to let the nonsense of that sentence sink in. In response, Reiko pouted. 'What else did you get?' The vampire coughed before looking sheepish.

'Um…a pair of silk underwear from one female vampire and I can't remember much else. I got drunk last night.'

'So what theory did you come up with this time?'

'One involving pigeons and rats.'

'Ah. Enough said.'

'Indeed.'

The two sat there in companionable silence until the sight of presents became too much to bear and she was forced to go upstairs and wake up the others. Eventually she came sliding down the banister, followed by two grumpy guys. Arson crashed into the Hanger Tree and squealed as baubles went flying across the room, shattering upon impact with the floor.

Reiko also gave vent to a sudden shout as a shattered piece of glass lodged itself in his cheek. He reared up from under the couch, lifting both Trish and the couch clean off the floor, only to be tipped into an undignified heap, the couch landing on Trish. Reiko clawed at his cheek before getting the offending shard out of his face, the cut healing instantly before whirling around, only to be met by a pair of steely blue eyes.

'What,' growled Dante, 'are you doing in my house?' Reiko sheepishly wiped away some stray blood that he had missed before and gave his best grin. When Dante saw the fangs, it only caused his eyes to narrow dangerously.

'Um…' Dante held up the contraption of hangers and waved it around in front of his face, causing more baubles to ping off the floor eventually crashing. Arson crouched near the pile of presents happily reading the labels.

'Oh lay off of him, Gramps. It's Christmas after all. Besides, he got us presents.' Dante's eyes lighted up.

'Presents!' Reiko stared at him in shock before fervently thanking the demon of all things unholy for letting Dante's childish side show itself at that moment. Dante gleefully ran over to three presents and started reading the labels, searching for the one address to him. Trish cleared her throat.

'Hang on a second. I need to get something.' She dashed off and almost a minute later she returned with three parcels, one of which she gave to Reiko. Arson smiled before he stood up slowly, dancing from foot to foot trying to get rid of pins and needles before grinning at Reiko.

'You know…after Dante kicked you out, I did a lot of thinking and I guess I figured out that you were right…in _some _aspects anyway.' He concentrated before three messily wrapped up presents came sailing down the stairs in mid-air, coming to land with a thud on the already upturned couch. 'Whoops.'

Three pairs of eyes turned onto Dante expectantly, who simply flushed up slightly before fidgeting.

'Well…' he began. Arson grinned happily.

'YAY PRESENTS!' Trish shook her head.

'I don't think so, Arson.' Dante coughed once or twice as though in response but then ambled off to the kitchen, everyone watching him curiously before they were suddenly brought back to reality with a yelp.

'What happened, Rei?' The vampire whined softly before rubbing his ass.

'I sat on a smashed bauble.' Arson was about to make a reply before his attention was caught by Dante coming out hauling several packs of booze and a bowl of eggnog with him. Arson wrinkled his nose as he breathed in deeply.

'That's some strong stuff.' Dante grinned.

'Sparda recipe. And as to your last question, I did a few things. I couldn't really face being called Santa Claus again so…' He looked towards Trish and shrugged. 'Your hairdryer's been fixed, Arson, your stereo's also been repaired and Reiko…well…you haven't got anything from me.'

'After I got blisters making your hanger tree too!' Dante grinned.

'Tough shit. I didn't think you'd spend Christmas with us.' Reiko smiled sadly at that.

'I haven't got anyone else to spend it with.' The four fell quiet at that before Arson groaned.

'All right, _Vincent_, I think we should open these presents now.' Without further ado, he tossed a package to Reiko, who carefully picked at it. Arson sighed before tearing off the paper from one of his own presents and grinning as he saw what was inside. Reiko peered over his shoulder and shook his head while smiling.

'NEED FOR SPEED UNDERGROUND! WHOOHOO!' The hybrid was about to run upstairs to start playing it straight away but then saw the rest of the presents and forced himself to sit back down. Dante grumbled with irritation at Reiko.

'Will you stop being so tidy and just _open_ the damned thing?!' Reiko sighed before rolling his eyes and ripping off the paper, staring wide eyed at the pair of fur lined handcuffs. Trish swallowed hard before blushing.

'Whoops! That's for Dante!' she caroled before tossing them at the demon hunter. Reiko looked up slowly before staring at Trish.

'I don't even want to know.' Trish giggled at that before handing Reiko his real present. He felt it cautiously and then satisfied that it wasn't bed related opened it up. It was a golden claw. He looked at it in puzzlement before frowning up at Trish.

'Arson keeps telling me how much you love Final Fantasy 7! So I bought you this claw! Isn't it neat?' Arson slapped his forehead.

'No! NO! Now he'll be acting even WORSE!'

'I must atone…' mumbled Reiko.

'SHUT UP!' Dante took the claw from him and then waved it about.

'It's a good back scratcher.' Wordlessly, Reiko took it back from him and sat quietly beside the couch but yelped at Dante's next remark. 'Or a helpful if painful aid to masturbating.'

'OH GOD! THAT'S SICK!'

'But true.' Arson looked up at Dante and then at Reiko.

'Who's master bation?'

'NEVER MIND, ARSON!' Trish blinked before choosing to ignore Reiko and Dante and opened one of her presents. She was stunned to find that it was a sweater. What was stunning about it was that it was non-revealing, as though the person who had bought it for her expected her to wear such a thing. She liked her leather, thank you very much. Arson grinned at Trish cutely.

'Don't you think it's a good present? I thought it was very fitting for wearing in the evenings.'

'…'

'Now no one will be able to accuse you of being a hooker. But look, it's still black. They had other colours. Like pink. I can always swap it for the pink if you want.'

'No, Arson…' she hissed through gritted teeth. 'It's fine.'

'Gee, Trish. You don't seem very happy.'

'How do you wear this? Where is the SKIN meant to show? How do mortals BREATHE in these clothes?' Arson left her to puzzle on the workings of the sweater and opened his last present happily, noticing that it was quite a big and heavy parcel. He blinked seeing a box under the paper and read the label.

'A SNOW MACHINE?! COOL!' Trish blinked, looking confused before looking towards Dante. Arson had already figured out who had got him the present and hugged Reiko. The vampire twitched in response before trying to wriggle out of his grasp. Arson eventually let go and ran back to his snow machine before taking it down to the basement, the coolest place in the building without being too cool. Reiko shook his head and smiled lightly as he watched him go. Trish smiled.

'It was nice seeing him so happy in winter.' Dante nodded his agreement.

'Thanks.' The vampire simply smiled and shrugged his shoulders gently before handing the demon hunter a soft parcel. Dante blinked, unwrapping it before shaking out a new black leather holster for his guns, as well as a new trench coat, with dragons along the hem of the coat, so subtle one could barely see it unless you looked up close. Never one for words, Dante simply nodded again.

'Thank you.' Trish picked up another parcel, read the label and then handed it to Reiko.

'It's from Arson, but he's busy now.' Reiko smiled at that and picked at the present again, caught the warning glare from Dante and hastily tore it open, blinking when he saw a brand new copy of Final Fantasy XI. Reiko searched the back of the package eagerly before smiling and sitting down, opening the box and reading through the instruction manual happily.

Trish blinked as she saw one last present for herself and ripped at the paper, blinking with surprise as she saw an expensive sweater, fashioned much in the same way as Arson's present to her, but in much more expensive material. She smiled, shaking her head slowly and turned to watch as Dante tried to wrestle the box from Reiko, curious as ever to see what the game was all about. There was a terrific bang from below them as Arson continued to play in the fake snow.

All in all, apart from the criticisms on how she dressed, it had been a terrific day.


End file.
